When life gets tough I certainly stamp my feet, cry and shout like the best of them. Then once I’ve cooled down, I hunt for the lesson. What can I learn from this? Always have, always will. Perhaps it’s the learning facilitator, trainer and instructional designer in me or perhaps it’s how I build resilience, determined not to break. “You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it” (Anna, T1D – Beyondtype1 instagram post).
I sit quietly and think about the last two, rather crappy weeks… Is there a lesson?
I said goodbye to my dear friend Pip, sadly she lost her battle with Pulmonary Hypertension. Then Little Miss 5 was diagnosed with Childhood Absence Epilepsy and had to endure blood tests and a lumbar puncture to rule out anything more sinister. We’ve had to learn about and start mediation we can’t even pronounce - Ethosuximide (Zarontin), all in time for her first week of primary school. This has been mixed with tight work deadlines, running a business, juggling finances and organising a household. It’s been an emotional and stressful couple of weeks, which has lead to high blood sugars and eroding energy levels. (I’ve recently discovered that if I’m stressed my blood sugars take on a life of their own. I might feel as though I have the situation under control, but my body tells me otherwise.)
I figure I have two options (of course this is after I’ve stamped my feet and complained about life being unfair):
continue to downward spiral, knowing it will not help Olive master epilepsy or settle my blood sugars and it’s certainly not how Pip would do things OR
look for the lesson. What’s the point of this testing time? Could I do anything differently? I think of a man we saw in Sydney, Australia yelling across the road “What is the meaning of life?” We’d assumed he was drunk, but perhaps he was taking stock and looking for the lesson after a tough period.
So, here I am…
Can I change what’s happened - bring Pip back, eliminate epilepsy, put an end to work deadlines and projects and prevent stress affecting a diabetic's blood sugar levels? Absolutely not. It is, what it is. However through the fog I realise to move forward I must - BE KIND.
Be kind to others. Behind bubbly or ‘tough guy’ exteriors we’re all fighting our own battles.
Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Let yourself off the hook. We are doing the best we can, with what we’ve got. Sometimes things work beautifully and other times it all just turns to shit and that’s okay.